oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
