Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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