awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
