i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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