she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
