Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
