Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
