Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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