Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
