Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
