Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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