it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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