the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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