We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
