nut hugger
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm bleeding and have questions
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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