I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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