Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
