I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
