i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
