If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
