I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
