that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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