Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(318): View more from Louisiana

omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!

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(425): View more from Washington

You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.

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(440): View more from Ohio

But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.

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(863): View more from Florida

In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.

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(208): View more from Idaho

i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.

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(907): View more from Alaska

I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.

(907): View more from Alaska

Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.

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