fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
