dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
