i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have aggressive nipples.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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