you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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