she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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