If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
