I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
even my farts smell like vagina
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My feet surprised me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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