it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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