so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
