I puked a lego.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
