hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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