I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
