You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
