yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
