Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
