I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
