There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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