I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
