You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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