Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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