i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
