So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
