My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
