Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
