just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
