i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
