I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
