I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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